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« Thread Started on Sept 22, 2006, 9:58am » | ![[Quote]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/buttons/quote.gif) |
http://lonewander.tripod.com
I really gotta get back to work on my book. Meanwhile, I still have new ideas now and then. I had one yesterday, which I thought I'd share... just to show you the process...
First of all, let me say that I've long had the idea that the king of the Land, Demos Royal, was married to a woman named Beverly Gateman, whose family was rich... they were famous for making the best gates... and I knew that she would have twin daughters, Cheryl and Darcy, but around the same time, she would divorce Demos and move back with her family... I think I later had the idea that her daughters would somehow turn out evil and stage a coup to try to gain political power. This would be perhaps in a book or story sometime after the first three books, most likely...
Now, yesterday on the bus, I had a new thought. If I recall correctly, it started when the bus had been stopped on the road at a light or something, and then started up again, but at first rolled back aways. And I thought it would be bad if a car was sitting too close behind the bus. Which made me think of warnings against tailgating. Which made me think of a certain scandal, the details of which are unclear to me, but also how pretty much any sort of scandal these days will often be given a name involving the word "gate," after Watergate.
That led me to think of Beverly Gateman. and I started thinking, what if her family, or at least her father, were famous not only for making gates, but also for hosting some sort of depraved "gate parties" for the rich people in his home village... and Beverly always wanted to get away from all that, which is why she married Demos. But eventually she left him because he basically went mad or whatever... so she had to move back home. And perhaps her father had a hand in raising her daughters, and in their becoming evil... and maybe someday Beverly's father and ex-husband would conspire to help bring the twins to power...
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it sort of fascinating how the most mundane things can lead to ideas for stories and such?
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teknomage
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« Reply #1 on Nov 11, 2006, 5:22pm » | |
Today I edited chapter 12, and also got some new ideas... I first wrote this chapter some years ago, before seeing Fullmetal Alchemist, but rereading it today, the pocket watch bit made me think of FMA, so I thought I'd put in some references to that, after a fashion, and possibly this can lead to something I could put into the prequel book someday. I invented a couple new characters I could use....
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« Reply #2 on Nov 16, 2007, 10:51pm » | |
After watching the Avatar episode "Nightmares and Daydreams," I was discussing it in a thread on Distant Horizon. And people were talking about who would win if the fight between Appa and Momo was real. And I said Momo would have to win, because Appa looked evil in the hallucination, and evil can never triumph over good. Except in the second book of any given trilogy. At the time I said that, I was thinking of Avatar's second book, and also of The Empire Strikes Back, but I figured it was probably fairly commonly true whether I ever thought about it or not. But then it occurred to me... it would be true of the second book of my own Chaos trilogy. When I originally planned the series (Chaos, Order, Balance), I just wanted to mix it up with the Order as a prequel just to be chaotic about it, but now it makes sense to me on a whole other level. The bad guys win in the second book. So yay.
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teknomage
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« Reply #3 on Feb 15, 2008, 1:10pm » | |
Back in New Sweden, there is a lake called Madawaska, where several relatives have camps, so the family spends alot of the summer at the lake. There was also this little diner called Stan's, where we'd sometimes eat. I guess it's gone now, but the place was kind of famous for its 10 cent cup of coffee. And now there are mugs commemorating the place. I got one for Christmas, and now whenever I drink from it, I kind of call the mug "Staniel." I guess that comes from Roger the alien calling Stan, of the cartoon American Dad, "Staniel." But suddenly today I thought, in my Chaos book I should have a little diner in Shanty be run by someone named Staniel. Still trying to think of a last name for him, though it's probably not important that he even have one, I doubt he'd be referred to by it in the book, though I'd want to know just to put it on one of my reference pages. So I was thinking maybe "Barista," or "Barman," or something like that. Barista might be fun if there's a chain of coffeehouses run by someone who wanted that name but got it was already taken. Then too, I thought of Luke Danes, so I thought maybe I should have his last name be a reference to Gilmore Girls. I thought maybe Hollowman, or maybe Fixit (since Luke's used to be a hardware store when his father owned it), but whatever name I choose, I have to be able to make up a plausible story to explain it, because... that's just how surnames are on the land, at this point in its history.
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teknomage
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« Reply #5 on Nov 6, 2008, 3:08pm » | |
Lorelai notes
Lorelai buys Darius birch beer at Boar & Bear;
introduces him to George Taverner.
Ogre makes point plain to Benj:
Elves, Merfolk, Dwarves, orcs, ogres, etc.
are all derivatives of Men (Basics; basic stock). All are different races of the SAME SPECIES.
An intercom bubble activated, and the voice of President Lonewander's administrative assistant announced, "Secretary Illustri is here to see you."
"Send him in, Alice," the President replied.
The door immediately swung open and the dignitary strode in purposefully. "What's this I hear about your leaving for some mysterious sabbatical of unspecified duration?" He had calculated the time it would take for the door to slam shut behind him, expecting it to punctuate his question, and when it didn't, he turned momentarily to see why not. He was barely quick enough to find that Lonewander's assistant had caught the door as it swung back, and closed it quietly. He cursed to himself, Damn her efficiency... and damn my own predictability. Darius is sure to have enjoyed that.... Composing himself and putting on a smile to conceal his annoyance, he turned again to face the President.
The President returned his smile and said, "Benj, a pleasure as always."
"Yes, yes. Of course." And then he remembered he'd already been annoyed before he came in, and intended to display that mood, not that Darius Lonewander would expect to see any other emotion adorning his face, except on the rarest occasions. It was indeed a chore at times, modulating the degree of displeasure he allowed his countenance to display. All in an attempt to ensure the fools he was forced to work with most often might bear some small hope of understanding him. Dropping his specious smile, he demanded of his superior, "Well?" He considered adding something along the lines of 'Are you going to answer my question?' but decided it would be something of an insult to Lonewander's intelligence, and that just at the moment he might as well avoid such a thing... and apply this moment toward his self-imposed monthly quota of magnanimities. Especially if, as the purpose of his visit suggested, he wouldn't likely be seeing Darius again for the remainder of the month.
Lonewander continued smiling and replied, "I'd hardly call it 'mysterious.' Really, Benj, just because I don't feel obliged to discuss the details of my trip, that hardly makes it a matter of intrigue. It's simply a personal matter. I do hope you'll agree that even heads of state should be allowed a little personal time, now and then. And in any event, I made these arrangements months ago. I told Ms. Blynnmaker to see to it my schedule was clear."
"Clear? Are you forgetting the scheduled conference with Chief Baroth at the end of the month? Surely you knew of it when making your plans for this little vacation of yours- and vice versa."
"I don't see any reason why my presence should be necessary at every routine meeting-"
"Routine?" Illustri scoffed. "That's hardly a word I'd use to describe anything involving this particular... person."
"I don't see why not. Besides, you're the Secretary of State. I should think that this is precisely the type of thing which would fall within the purview of your job description."
"If you truly had any intention of allowing me to do my job as I saw fit, you know perfectly well that this alliance wouldn't even exist. I've never approved of it. Anyway, the beast is your friend, not mine. And furthermore-"
The President's smile instantly vanished, and he broke into Illustri's diatribe. "You will not refer to Chief Baroth as a beast. Not in my presence, and not ever, if you perceive the slightest possibility of my hearing about it. Now, if you don't want to take part in the conference, you may leave the matter entirely in the hands of the Vice President." Darius now allowed a wry grin to return to his face. "Anyway, I'm sure the Chief will be as glad of your absence as you yourself will be."
Illustri was silent for a few moments, displayng a thin smile to conceal his irritation while he composed himself, then sighed. "Very well. Can you at least give me the slightest indication as to when we might expect your return, Darius?"
"Alas, all good things must come inevitably and all too quickly to an end, and my little getaway is no exception. I can't say for sure when I'll be back. Perhaps within a couple days after my birthday, and certainly by the end of the month."
"Ah yes, I'd forgotten. It is coming up, isn't it? Well then, is that what this is all about? Your birthday?"
"Not directly. But in a roundabout way I suppose one could call it a factor. Why?"
'I was just thinking it's quite a perk of your position, being able to take your birthday off as if it were some national holiday,' he didn't say. Rather, "I'm afraid I hadn't gotten you a gift, as yet. If you're leaving tomorrow, I suppose I won't have much time for shopping." He sighed again, and added, "Nevertheless, if I don't see you again before you return, I'll take this opportunity to wish you a happy birthday."
"Thanks, Benj, I could tell it was from the heart. Well, you know I've never much cared about gifts, but if you feel compelled anyway, I've also never minded getting them late. Now, was there anything else?"
They both knew perfectly well that the inquiry about the trip was the only reason Illustri had stopped by the President's office today. Still, the Secretary affected an air of momentary consideration before answering, "No, I believe that was all for the time being." With his signature hand flourish and slight inclination of the head, he said, "Have a good trip, Mr. President." After just a moment's studied pause, he turned on his heel and left the room, this time closing the door carefully behind him.
He smiled at Alice Blynnmaker, and she smiled back, both of them knowing neither was genuine. A few seconds later he was out of the antechamber, when he suddenly realized he'd neglected to ask Darius what he meant about his birthday being a 'roundabout factor.' "No doubt his 'why?' was calculated to sidetrack me from such a question," he mumbled under his breath. "No matter, I'm sure he wouldn't have answered if I'd asked." Illustri sighed once more, and headed off toward his own office.
§§§
§§§
"So, how did the two of you meet? I know you once mentioned it was in the course of your adventure to found the Chaos, but the details were a little... um, nonexistant."
Darius smiled, then gave a little almost-laugh, and said, "She held me up at swordpoint."
Lorelai's eyes widened, then she grinned. "She was a highwayman?"
"Something like that." Darius sighed. "I told you her name was Marian, and her friend's name was John. You know... part of me always hoped I could become her Robin Hood."
Lorelai wasn't quite sure what to say to that. Finally she said, "You've never mentioned anyone else."
"There's never been anyone else."
"Are you still... in love with her?"
"Not as such. But I mean, as short a time as we were actually together... when you're in love, really truly in love, you never want it to end. Which is just another way of saying you want to be together forever. And when you feel that way, even if only subconsciously, that's not something your subconscious can ever completely let go of.
"If she came to me today and said she wanted to get back together, after all these years, I don't think I'd want to. I'd be a bit uncomfortable even reestablishing a long-distance friendship, but I suppose I'd be willing to give it a try, and maybe things would develop from there. Or not. But I don't expect her ever to contact me. And I'll never contact her. It's as it should be. Or as close as possible. What should be would probably be for us never to have been more than friends. If that. I feel like if that's all we were, we still would be. Because we had so much in common, you know? Anyway, I'll always wish her well. She deserves to be happy. She's a good person, and I suppose I'll always love who she is. Or was, I dunno. I have no idea who she is now, or how she is, or anything about her. I don't want to know. 'Am I in love with her?' It's not a simple question. Mostly no. But it would be impossible for anyone who'd ever been in love not to always retain a tiny trace of... yes.
"...But it isn't important. So, how about you? I don't think you've ever really mentioned anyone...?"
"There've... been a few guys, over the years. Nothing too serious. All decent people. But we always drift apart after awhile, and I've never kept in touch with any of them. I don't know what I'd say or do if I ever ran into one of them. But we always parted amicably, so it shouldn't be a big deal. A bit awkward perhaps, but friendly enough, I would imagine."
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Then Lorelai said, "You know, I've heard that some people on Earth, friends, make arrangements that if neither of them is married in a certain number of years, they'll marry each other. Or something. Sounds like too much of sitcommy concept to me, though it probably went on long before they developed sitcoms. I don't know, though, maybe no one ever did such a silly thing, in reality."
"I know I could never do it. I wouldn't want to be with someone unless we were really in love with each other. Of course, I could love someone dearly, as a friend, and not feel... that way about them."
"And attracted to them...."
"Oh yes, both love them as a friend, and be quite attracted. It's not enough, there'd have to be something... undefinable...."
"Chemistry."
"I don't even know if that's the right word, because friends can have great chemistry, sometimes. Just not... romantic chemistry. I could love someone, and find her attractive, and have friendly chemistry with her, and still not be in love with her. So... I don't know what to say. Love." He sighed again. "I suppose it's different, to a certain extent, for everyone. Some say opposites attract. I've never felt that in the slightest. I wouldn't want someone just like me, of course. But I couldn't love someone with whom I didn't have a great deal in common. Personalities, points of view, interests. Likes, dislikes, and whatnot. For some people, love makes no sense at all, and looking at them, I'd go mad if I tried to figure out how they work, how they can stand each other, let alone love each other. For me, love would have to... make sense. It would have to be something I could examine and find so many reasons why it worked, why I felt as I did. It would be logical. But at the same time... every single reason I found could be applied to any number of my other friends, and I might love them, but it wouldn't be the same. So there's something else, something undefinable. More than chemistry. More than magic. Maybe it has to do with the soul. In which case, even souls can be wrong, because I had that feeling. Goddammit, I loved her more than I thought it was humanly possible for anyone to love anyone. I'm not prone to love, though. I love my family, and my friends, but it's a very mild sort of love, usually, which often makes me feel guilty. I feel like my family surely must love me a great deal more than I love them. And I see no reason for them to. So I never thought I could actually fall in love, I didn't think I was capable of that level of emotion. Not about a person. Perhaps about art, or concepts. But not actual people. And yet I did. For a brief while in my life, I was madly in love, and it made sense, and it made more than sense, because of the undefinable part of love that can't make sense.... It felt like the rightest thing in my life. Which wouldn't be hard, because almost nothing in my life has ever felt particularly right, but that did. Being in love with her felt not only like the rightest thing in my life, but the rightest possible thing in the Universe.
"And it was wrong. It was, while it lasted, the best time in my life, and now, in retrospect, the worst time in my life. In a life made up almost exclusively of regrets, it is my very greatest regret; at once that it ended, and moreover, that it ever happened at all." He paused, then with a wry grin added, "I shudder to think how screwed up my head would be if we'd ever actually made love."
Lorelai laughed. Then she said, "So, I take it you'd never want to make one of those sitcommy pacts with me?"
Darius took her hand in both of his, looked deeply into her eyes, his own eyes welling up, and said, "Oh, Lor, you know you're one of the best friends I've ever had, and when I say I love you, I mean more than just the mild kind to which I've said I'm prone." He swallowed. "We do have a lot in common, and I find you so attractive, and you're definitely one of those people I said I might apply all the logical reasons for it to make sense to fall in love with, and I feel we have wonderful chemistry...."
He sighed, dropped her hand, closed his eyes and turned his head away. "But, you know. Like I said. It takes more than that. Terrans do come up with the most bizarre concepts, don't they?"
Such dramatics being generally not something one would expect from Darius, it took her a moment to catch her breath, before she started grinning and laughing again. "Well, good, then. Glad we're on the same page, old friend."
Darius turned to look at her again, and joined in her laughter, though as usual, his was somewhat more subdued than hers. After a minute he stood, and said, "I'm going to get some more wine. You want some?" She nodded, and he left the tent to fetch a fresh bottle.
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Absolutely Pointless • Since last we spoke...
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teknomage
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« Reply #6 on Nov 6, 2008, 3:30pm » | |
"But you... how can you share genes with them? You, who think only of yourself. And there's not much there to think about. Foolish, crazy, worthless, simple, pathetic." The agent was really sneering now. "No wonder you hate progress so much. You could never survive in any but the most primitive of civilizations. No wonder you want to overthrow the government. Chaos!" he scoffed. "Feh!"
He turned to the others. "You should all just abandon him, and save yourselves a great deal of trouble. Most of you could probably survive without him. With him, you will surely all fail. He'll drag you down to his level, and make you nothing. Just like he is."
He took a few moments to calm and compose himself. "This," he said quietly, "is how I, personally, feel. I DID say you wouldn't want to talk about this here. Anyway, now that that's over, let's all be going. We can get this over with, and we won't have to bother you any more. Maybe." He turned toward the door, waving for the others to follow him.
"No," said Darius, calmly but firmly.
Monogwrangle turned to look at him. "What?"
"Perhaps I agree with some of what you've said about me. But not about any of the others, not the negative stuff, anyway. In fact, they are now, as always, perfectly free to go their own ways, no questions asked. But until they decide to do so, they are fellow adventurers, traveling companions, and friends. They are not criminals, and they are not revolutionaries. You may have fun with your armchair psychology. You may have your sneaky little spies who'll tell you and your people whatever they think you all want to hear. You may have a badge, and the whole of InterVil, the High Court, and both Orders behind you, but we have our rights. We go where we will, and so long as it's within the law, we do what we will. You cannot tell us what to do or where to go." And Darius allowed a slight, fleeting smirk as he added, "But perhaps I could tell YOU where to go."
"Maybe I have the authority to make the official request an official order. Voluntarily or involuntarily, you're coming with me."
"I don't think so," said Dex. "Not if they don't want to. If you had that authority, you'd have said so to begin with. You said the opposite. I don't suppose you're allowed to lie to people to get them to do what you want, but I don't suppose, either, that your superiors or fellows would take their word over yours. Nor would they take mine. I DO suppose, however, that if you're going to take to illegally lying in the course of your duty, you should learn to do a better, more consistent job of it, and not change your story whenever the mood strikes you."
"You..." the agent stopped, and sighed. "Look, you can't really do anything about this. You could make a complaint, later, but for the moment, you can do nothing. You will hand them over."
"They're not mind to hand over, nor yours to take. They are their own people."
"Very well. I'm not alone. There are police outside at my command. You can't stop me." He turned again to the door, to summon his people.
Dex put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him. He went to stand in front of the door, turned to face the agent, and crossed his arms. "This is private property. If the police want to come in on official business, I'll need to see a warrant."
"If you don't move away from that door and let me out, I'll charge you with illegal detention... or, say, hostage-taking."
"You're free to leave whenever you like. But you won't come back in without a warrant. If you can get one."
"Dammit!" screamed the agent, "I'm telling you, they're coming with me! I am an official representative of one of your biggest clients, and I'm telling you to let me have them!"
"You put me in a most awkward position, agent Monogwrangle. You must understand, I can't choose one client over another. It just wouldn't be right. I mean, suppose they asked me to abandon you? I couldn't do that. Suppose they tried to kill you, or something. As you are a client, I'd be obliged to protect you. I couldn't let them do anything to you that you didn't want them to." He turned to the others. "You wouldn't ever ask me to abandon another of my clients, such as InterVil, would you?"
"Not at all," said Darius, grinning.
And then a thought struck the agent. He put on a grin of his own. "So, they're clients, are they? Well, then, they must have signed a contract with you."
"Ah, no," said Dex.
"Because, of course, you wouldn't want to have proof of your association with them available, in the event official charges SHOULD ever be brought against them. You might be charged as an accomplice. But if there's no contract, there are no clients. Dilemma solved."
Dex sighed and shook his head. "Well, sometimes I choose to go with just a verbal contract. Which is considered legal, so long as it can be proven. Therefore they ARE clients."
The agent sneered again, and mumbled under his breath, "How convenient for you. It can be proven or denied in court, whichever you prefer." Aloud, "Very well. If you don't believe I have the authority to place them under arrest, perhaps you'll believe that I have the authority to dissolve any official arrangements you have with InterVil."
"Perhaps. Considering I know you to be someone who will say anything, even lie, to get what you want, I have reason to doubt your word. But as it doesn't contradict anything you've already actually said, and considering there is some precedent to support it- that is, that an official representative of an organization may do official things on behalf of that organization- then I'm forced to accept, until such time as it may be found to be otherwise, that you do have that authority."
"Good. So I'm telling you," and he advanced rather menacingly toward Dex, looming over him, "drop them as clients and hand them over, or you will no longer work for InterVil."
"I'm afraid I've already told you I can't choose between clients. None of them would ever be able to trust me, if I did that. I would think that, as a client, you would appreciate that."
"You're not going to do it?"
"No. Short of an official court order, no."
"Then you're fired."
"Thank you, you've solved my problem. Since you're no longer a client-" Dex drew his arm back and threw a fast, hard punch at agent Monogwrangle. The agent's face registered half a moment of shock before he slumped unconscious to the floor.
While the others stood just as shocked as the agent must have been, Darius broke out laughing. He thought, looking at the body on the floor, _I thank you, too. I was hoping you'd do that. ...Simple as I am._ But when his laughter subsided into a wide grin, all he said was, "Better than Happiness."
Then the others began to regain their senses. Most of them were grinning as widely as Darius. But some of them weren't quite ready for that yet.
"But," said Tom, "um... okay. Thanks, yeah. But, won't you get in trouble for that?"
"Oh, a bit, a bit. Even if he didn't have the authority, I've probably lost the InterVil account, now. But I've many others. As for assault charges... as I say, I know a few good lawyers. I could stand to have a few days off, anyway. That's about all it'll amount to. Even if I won't exactly be spending that time in an ideal vacation spot."
"Might I point out," said Alecstar, "that his police are still outside waiting. They could now charge us as accessories to this, and bring us all in. Even if they didn't have the authority to do so _before_. How are we to get by them?"
"I have other exits. Underground tunnels."
"Questionable sort of things to have about a place of business," Darius commented.
"Lawyers may question anything. Others can answer anything. Say I have some nieces and nephews who come visit me at work sometimes. Say I wanted to keep them entertained, and keep them out of the way. Underground tunnels can be such fun places to play, can't they?"
"Just say," said Darius.
Dex led them to the tunnels, gave them a map, said good-bye and wished them good luck.
They all started walking as soon as Cameron had cast a spell of lighting, and an orb of luminescence appeared, resting on his upturned palm.
"I think I know who's pulling the strings," he abruptly announced. They stopped and stared at him, and he continued. "The detectives in Tonad will have guessed that I might secretly be a Protestant Sorreter, that I translocated. If that speculation got around in InterVil, it would eventually reach our true enemies. The greatest enemy of my people, of course, is Durell of Sorret. And he surely has the connections to pull this off, without letting too many people know he's behind it. He's after me. If he got me, he'd do everything he could to try to make me reveal the location of the Protestant Sorreters. It is your association with me that's putting you all in danger."
Darius had been hanging to the back of the group. Now he came forward to talk to Cameron. "Don't you dare imagine for one moment that you're any more of a potential threat to the Order than we all may be. You may- or may not- have some immediate responsibility for what's going on right now, but we all, especially me, share some of it, too. Don't forget, we were attracting negative attention well before he could've gotten involved. And as time goes on, the responsibility will be more and more evenly distributed, amongst anyone who proves truly to deserve to be a part of this. And we'll have a lot more to worry about than we do now. We'll need you then, as we need you now. So don't feel too guilty, and remember the only way you can do us any good is to stick with us. Understand?"
Cameron sighed. "Yeah." He walked on in silent thought from then on, though his bandmates offered their own brief words of comfort.
Darius returned to the back of the group, rubbed his face and ran his hands through his hair, trying to shake Cameron's revelation from his mind, for the moment. He'd have to think about it later, but for now he needed to relax, and think more pleasant thoughts. He grinned as he recalled the end of the confrontation with Monogwrangle, and said again, to himself, "Better than Happiness..."
"I got the impression," said Talia, "there at the end, that you'd been waiting for what happened to happen."
"Dex dropped enough hints. Either side could've taken advantage of them, or missed them and lost everything. Seemed fairly obvious and logical, to me."
"See," said Emma. "You're nothing like he thought you were."
"Oh, I agreed with him, for the most part. Always will, I'm afraid. But I do have my moments."
"That you do," said Talia. "Or, um... those you do?"
"I dunno," said Darius. "Either way sounds slightly wrong and sort of right. It doesn't matter."
"Already I feel the conversation falling back into the realm of the inane," grumbled Tom. "But still, moments like that one, that DEX provided, do make it all worthwhile. Almost."
"All whiles are worthy," said Tiejo, scampering back and forth between the back and front of the group.
Darius, meanwhile, again fell a few paces behind everyone else. His grin faded, his heart grew heavier. _Brief moments or periods of happiness do tend to bring on spells of depression,_ he reflected silently, and sighed. He took out a pill and held it in his hands for a time, head downcast, feet trudging along, every part of him wanting to just slump down against a wall, sit by himself in the dark, and hate himself, and cry. But he knew he couldn't. He wouldn't. He didn't want to take the pill, either. Desperately he didn't. He'd rather just be miserable.
He unscrewed the cap from his canteen, took a swig of water, and swallowed the pill.
_I always loved the dark,_ he thought to himself merrily, but kept Cameron's glow ahead in sight.
Talia had moved to the head of the group, anxious to get back to her partner, at the inn. They were all anxious to leave town as soon as possible.
Emma stole occasional glances at Darius, and worried about him. Not so much about the pills, or the depression, but that he truly seemed to believe the things Monogwrangle had said about him. He'd said such things about himself before, sort of. But never with the passion behind the words that she'd seen and heard when the agent had said them. And yet she could tell, every bit of that passion was there in Darius's own mind and heart. It was just... different. A sort of quiet acceptance seemed to have settled over him, from years and years of firsthand experience of these feelings. But she could tell the passion of belief was still there. She worried about him.
She looked ahead toward Talia, and worried some more.
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Absolutely Pointless • Since last we spoke...
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teknomage
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Joined: Aug 2006
Gender: Male
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Karma: 0 | | Re: The Chaos
« Reply #7 on Jun 12, 2009, 12:27pm » | |
I'm constantly having imagined conversations in my head... things I'd like to say to people, whether people I know, people I imagine, or hell, even talking on a talk show. Things that explain how I think, how I feel, about any number of things in life. But then, sometimes I suddenly think one of these imagined conversations might work in a story. Especially The Chaos, considering Darius is largely based on myself, at least his thoughts and feelings. So I'm thinking now maybe what I was thinking about today could be something he'd say to Marian, at some point.
It's about people kissing in public, or even just in front of friends or family. I hate seeing that, and I wouldn't want to do it myself, if I was in a relationship. Sometimes I might just say "as far as I'm concerned, if you're going to kiss in front of people, you might as well have sex in front of them." Which, I assume, no one would do. In fact it's so ridiculous (and possibly offensive) that I don't think anyone would even be able to understand why I'd feel this way (and to be honest, even I would be far more offended by seeing people have sex in public than seeing them kiss).
But to explain how it even occurs to me, one has to understand the very fundamental principle that I am uncomfortable around all people. I have varying degrees of comfort with different people, but there's no one in the world with whom I am 100% comfortable, whether just being around them, talking to them, looking at them, and especially touching them. And so, I couldn't indulge in any romantic contact, whether kissing, holding hands, sex, or anything else, without being completely comfortable with a person. and I couldn't be that comfortable with a person without being completely in love with her, and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that she felt the same about me. To be honest, I'd almost certainly get to a point of being ready to kiss before I got to the point of being ready to make love... but that doesn't mean that much, because even once I was completely in love, it would still be quite awhile before I was ready to make love. So it's still reasonable to say I couldn't kiss someone until we were in love. And I think most people would be ready to kiss long before being in love, even if they were (as is rarer and rarer these days) the kind of people who wouldn't have sex without first being in love. But setting that aside, even if they were the kind of people who wouldn't kiss without being in love, I don't believe for one moment that they'd feel the need to be 100% conscious of the full depth of their feelings for a person every single time they had any romantic contact with that person, such as holding hands or a simple kiss. But I would. Because, as I said, I'm so uncomfortable, and such things would be so difficult for me, impossible without love, that it would also be impossible for me to engage in such contact without being fully aware of all this stuff about... how I am. I couldn't help but be aware whenever kissing or touching the woman I loved, that there was no way in hell I'd be doing that unless I was truly, madly, deeply in love with her, planning to spend the rest of my life with her, and that she'd feel exactly the same about me. Therefore, any such contact would hold the full depth of meaning and feeling... of the entire relationship. Encapsulated in a few moments of time. Every time.
If people could understand this about me, I think they could understand why I wouldn't ever want to kiss in public, and why I hate seeing others do so. I mean, either they're doing something that should be private (like having sex), or else their kiss means a great deal less to them than any kiss would mean to me. Either way, I find it offensive, not just to me or anyone who has to watch, but to the concept of love itself, which is like the most important thing in the world, whereas most people seem to treat it so casually that it becomes almost meaningless.
Now, that's just me. I wonder if Darius said all that, how would Marian respond?
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Absolutely Pointless • Since last we spoke...
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